The following excerpt is from my book, Nurturing the Song Within. It explores the inner work underlying creative work and the creation of a life.
Scroll down for my follow-up interview of author Bill Porter (Red Pine) who has spent fifty years studying China’s Taoist and Zen hermits and their poetry.
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It’s very important to think positive. More important probably is knowing that a negative thought will release poison into your system and will eventually kill you if you keep doing it.
- Willie Nelson
I’ve had a few experiences in my life – less than five – where I entered a deeply meditative state and encountered overwhelming feelings of positive energy. Once, during the darkest days of Heron Dance in 2011, I attended a shaman retreat put on by a former director of Heron Dance. I can’t remember how exactly I got into the trance that inspired the thoughts below, but it involved a lot of drumming and then a dream state during which I entered a hole in the ground and found myself in a different reality. I encountered a variety of animals, mostly fish and water mammals. I came upon a raging river —- in those days I was into whitewater kayaking —- and was forced along by an almost overwhelming current. Eventually I found myself standing in the center of a half circle of spirit entities from another realm. They waited for me to speak. I asked them questions.
I asked them whether or not I am too grouchy to be the creator of Heron Dance. This question was inspired, in part, by the struggles and resulting dark moods I was experiencing trying to keep Heron Dance going during a difficult time. And partly the question was inspired by my internal ferocity, a characteristic that has been both an ally in keeping Heron Dance going, and the biggest obstacle to it achieving its full potential.
Their response:
Don’t worry about things like that. Just be a conduit for our energy. Don’t try to be anything. Just be open to our energy.
It isn’t what you get, it is about what you give: love, compassion, beauty.
It is not about how you feel. It is not about what you don’t like. It is not about what makes you
upset: unfairness, etc.
It is about what you give.
You have been given a powerful, courageous spirit. The spirit guides have chosen you to be a conduit for their energy. You need to do something with that.
Just be open to our energy, be a conduit for our energy. We will take care of the rest.
They told me not to worry about money. Live simply and they would see that enough money gets sent my way. Discomfort was a part of my journey. Discomfort was my ally, my teacher, they said.
They offered guidance into a variety of different subjects – what to explore in Heron Dance for instance. In those days Heron Dance was publishing the fictional, semi-erotic, private journal of Archibald Campbell, wild artist. Drop that they said. Too intense.
They offered guidance on my role in the local community I was living in at the time – in particular guidance on the subject of good people who avoid me because I can be too provocative and intense. They offered guidance on my self-protectiveness and my somewhat related attraction to unpredictable chaotic situations and people. They emphasized the importance of meditation and deep internal peace, two necessary elements of the path they had chosen for me. I had recently had a couple of close calls and so I asked them whether or not I’d die whitewater kayaking. No, they said. But don’t worry about stuff like that. Whitewater kayaking is about balance and going with the flow, neither one of which you are ever going to be particularly good at.
Concentrate on spiritual journeys rather than physical journeys. I’m still not completely sure what they meant by that.
Overall their message was that there are positive forces of beauty, of cohesion and harmony and peace. And there are negative forces of chaos, destruction and hatred. Serve the positive forces and we will help you. We will be on your side.
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I wish I could say that I took those messages to heart and reoriented my life around them. No I didn’t. I came up with a variety of excuses. I made halting efforts. I’m still on the journey, still sometimes failing, still sometimes succeeding. Still trying. I consider the fact that I am still trying a triumph of sorts. There is not a doubt in my mind that, had I followed the guidance they offered, the last twelve or thirteen years would have been more peaceful, more deeply satisfying. I would be more at peace with myself. On one level, it all gets down to surrender. Surrendering is the most difficult spiritual work I have done and need to do.
My point is that in deeply meditative states brought on by meditation and self-hypnosis we encounter important messages. Those messages often will not be what we expect or want to hear. Even though they involve living a simpler life, a more relaxed life, many of these messages are not easy to live. They challenge us on deep, uncomfortable levels.
Nevertheless, they offer a path through the chaos, both the chaos inside and the chaos in the greater world that surrounds.
You can read more about Nurturing the Song Within, and order a copy, here.
My follow-up interview of Bill Porter (aka Red Pine) in which I explore further his use of the term “the gods” in the context of help that shows up in his work, and his childhood and how it affected his future path.
You can view and read about the first interview of Bill here. It is my reflection on Bill’s interview from a Joseph Campbell mythic hero’s journey persective. I’ve summarized the interview (more Bill, less me) here.
You can read some of my favorite excerpts from Bill’s writing here.
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You can learn more about the Zen Mountain Journal and Heron Dance here.
The Tao Te Ching Journal:
A Path to Inner Quiet
Zen Mountain Journal blends Taoist hermit poetry, contemplative art, and reflections drawn from a lifetime shaped by wilderness, solitude, and decades doing creative work on the outer boundaries of our culture. These journals are companions for seekers — guides in the reconnection with inner quiet, beauty, and the “soundless music” of a life lived with simplicity and meaning.
• Size: 9.25 × 8.5 inches — convenient size for desk or lap.
• Hardcover — the book can be written in without a table or desk.
• Double wire-o bound to lay flat.
• Printed on Mohawk Superfine, a premium uncoated paper for a beautiful writing surface.
• 160 pages.
I think this is such an honest share of the spiritual path. The true struggle of what it is like. I remember in my 20 ‘s what I thought my life would be like on this path and boy was I wrong. The con artist teachers and snake charmers don’t help that offer manifesting and manipulation. If only it were that easy. Those teachers on the other side know something. I like how you write that you don’t always want to hear it. It’s kind of like hearing wisdom from a real good parent or grade school teacher. Children don’t want to hear it either. I guess we are all children on this path and need to listen to our elders.
I love your work and your honesty with your struggles. You are a very creative, deep thinker. Your art is very meditative for me. Thank you for persisting. I wish you joy and peace.